E. was reading this today, and it reminded me of the Hobbit. The boy even looks like one! The dwarves, alas, are being viewed unkindly through the eyes of someone protective of his larder...
Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
Blunt the knives and bend the forks!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates --
Smash the bottles and burn the corks!
Cut the cloth and tread on the fat!
Pour the milk on the pantry floor!
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!
Splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl;
Pound them up with a thumping pole;
And when you're finished, if any are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
So carefully! carefully with the plates!